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Nov. 28th, 2013

(no subject)

There is too much displacement in my life.

Oct. 14th, 2013

These Are Not My Memories

 

Sep. 3rd, 2013

(no subject)

i'm a beast
huge
everything below the surface
now act like it

Mar. 16th, 2013

(no subject)

He felt the sun on his face. He felt the ground under his feet. He felt the people who loved him holding on to him and bearing him along.

It was enough.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Mar. 10th, 2013

(no subject)

I could’ve died last night. Oncoming cars. Who can see me? My knee hurts, and my shoulder. My shoulder always hurts.

I don’t know. I’m not proud of how I acted last night. I guess I can’t be out of control and control everything at the same time. I wanted to be alone with her. I want something real. I feel a bit like I’m just going through the motions. I like her, but she’s not staying. What am I doing? I’m all over the place. She seems very independent. I don’t actually know her that well. Malleable. One day, she’ll just be gone. The disadvantages of living on an island. We don’t actually have a great connection. She’s just smart and pleasant and attractive and idk she seems to like hanging out with me and i dunno i guess i’m just desperate.

I thought I had more thoughts, something deeper, but I guess this is all I am right now. A vague concern that when I’m in an actual relationship, I’m going to be a bit controlling. I don’t know. I feel like I’m pretty good at being magnanimous, but I’m not holding on to anything. Slip right away. Float on.

Feb. 3rd, 2013

(no subject)

"Writing to you should be like screaming into a thunderstorm, or like lying with you on a hillside i Prague. It should be huge and hopeless, or almost-silently intimate."

Jan. 28th, 2013

(no subject)

i gave a lecture in my dream. i had a fan. she nestled down on a sleeping bag to study her notes, told me everything's a [synonym]. I'm pretty sure my lecture said everything's a [homonym], but I can't remember! maybe it was 'there are always two,' but that's centipedes. i was huge and dark. when I came back though there was only a toilet. or something...

Jan. 27th, 2013

(no subject)

maybe i'm crazy. but better to have a good good-bye. right?

Jan. 15th, 2013

(no subject)

why not recuse oneself to smaller collectives? because of the challenge of a society so complex we can never see it all? but can we ever really see it all? because it's not about control, at least on an intellectual level. and that's what a smaller community provides (esp. good economical, agriculturally, imholollurtung). it's about associating with everyone, putting your ideas out there for the whole world.

so educationally, smaller communities might be better b/c more members can be part of the teaching act. idk tho. i mean, i believe in that. maybe i'm just fighting for the status quo b/c it's easier. kids should be raised aught communally and the internet allows sharing with the world.

i guess the question is if the communal structure allows for social stagnation and, consequently, intellectual stagnation. you stay in your commune (b/c really that's what i'm talking about) and you focus on living well together, educating the kids, but does it take away from the goal of contributing to the global community. can we reflect on the world if we focus so intently on only our small part?

(no subject)

i'm a fat man with a soft voice
and gentle eyes

Dec. 2nd, 2012

(I'm) Crap...

Haha I'm terrible at this too! I'm not a big hobbies guy, because I spend so much time working and reading. I try to write a little bit, and I love listening to all kinds of music. I'm a fairly new teacher, four years in, so I spend a lot of time trying to get better at doing that. Does that make me boring? Maybe. Maybe I shouldn't say that! I really love stories (Even though I'm horrible at telling them!), so I kind of see everything as some part of a bigger story. By which I mean, I don't have a lot of hobbies, but I really enjoy listening to the stories people tell about themselves. 

Oct. 28th, 2012

(no subject)

Sometimes I think that I need to teach my students to be something I'm not.

Oct. 6th, 2012

(no subject)

write write write

dammit dammit dammit

waste waste time time waste time

expand expand detract detract

take away move run

hide in

words

Sep. 13th, 2012

(no subject)

fuck

Aug. 24th, 2012

(no subject)

I don't get why you get make my job harder, but I don't get to make your job harder.

Aug. 23rd, 2012

(no subject)

Hmm...

Aug. 1st, 2012

(no subject)

we mean the same thing.

Jul. 25th, 2012

(no subject)

continue to be a badass g'dammit. muh'ufuckah. breathe.

Jul. 22nd, 2012

(no subject)

I woke up and breathed.

So many things boil just beyond the horizon, like a sun refusing to set. If, each day, I can cast the tip of an iceberg toward tomorrow, maybe I can get the waters to calm.

Jul. 8th, 2012

(no subject)

http://bigtyper.livejournal.com/167187.html

Is this where it started? Is this where I became intelligible? At the time, I felt like I was getting closer to my id. In the end, I feel like I've gotten further from it. But also not. I mean, the id becomes less important. Maybe by getting closer to it, you gain distance from it. You don't need it quite so much. It's not so important when it's closer to the surface. You're just you.

Trying to wax away the blind spots.

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